Gone Mad

October 31, 2020

Please help, I can’t take the pain any longer

As I stated in my first article, “Getting Organized It’s Been Awhile”, this blog is very different from my previous efforts at Woody Hollow Distributors. That blog concentrated almost entirely on the Annunaki and historical information where we talked about snow ball earth and other far flung topics, here too we will discuss that; but here in Serving the Grail, I intend to be far more personal. Here I want to try to express the joy in spiritual realization, the pit falls, the chaos, and most importantly, the serenity.

When I first began this incredible journey, I thought that the only recovery would be from the wounds inflicted by things like my article, “Ice Water Mansions”.  I had no understanding that my or everyone’s injury was far deeper and much more insidious than physical or emotional. Spiritualism was for the church, and there was something wrong with folks who could not find it using the church’s means. That may seem odd for me to say, but it was my truth in my teens, and continued to be through until my late twenties. Throughout much of that period, I was agnostic, meaning I had no belief system. Not having a belief system brought me a shit load of both personal and spiritual trouble.

Throughout that entire time period, the above image perfectly exemplifies what was really going on inside me. I, like most folks, refused to acknowledge that anything was amiss. In my case, that was particularly easy to do because of all the internal shielding I had erected, which was extremely helpful in allowing me to be entirely out of touch with my emotions.

You must reunite with your sacred self.

Little did I realize that there was true life and light inside the safety bubble where I truly lived, and it wanted out so that it could rejoice in me.

But for those years, the chaos was fun, my mother being almost entirely responsible for it. I had never been allowed to express my anger, fear, sadness, or physical pain. I had been taught that I was an ingrate, selfish, and should be ashamed of my own existence. Add the extraordinary bullying from four hundred school kids, and why I did not suicide is a testament to my ego. There were two times where I wavered extremely close to suicide, once between grades 8 and 9, then again as little as 9 years ago. In both cases, I nearly broke instead of learning the necessary lesson.

“The Oxford Dictionary of current English 1991” defines ego as: the self, the part of the mind that reacts to reality and has sense of individuality, self-esteem. Hmm self-esteem, well for most of my life that has been near nonexistent, so the lesson has centered on that sense of individuality. So who am I? Am I egotistical? Am I conceited? Do I think that I am better than anyone else is? In answer, no, no, and absolutely not. Then why the consistent attack on my individuality? The fifty year effort to cause me to become egoless?  Krsna assures us that we are immortal; the Akashic record assures us that we are the same individual person in every incarnation. The difference being that we take lessons learned forward in every incarnation. And it means that, infractions committed during our previous incarnations are payed for in the present, almost karmic.

As a boy, that extremely sad, lonely lad who suffered the bullying, I could not figure out how it was that 400 kids hated me. I thought it was my fault, I just did not know why. I did not realize that 99.9% of them were just sheep, too afraid to stand up on their own, and it is likely that they are the same way to this day. They are the yes people in the office, or warehouse, the sniveling whiners who cry when they have to work late, or the fault is anyone’s but theirs. These types of individuals vibrate at very low frequencies, and should be avoided, so that they do not bring your vibrancy frequencies down.

As I first became aware of likely past incarnations, I at first thought that all those kids had been part of whenever had been, and had followed me to this realm to exert some kind of vengeance. That was a most uncomfortable moment I assure you! Their attitudes then may have helped destroy my sense of self-esteem; however, it too, is likely that I was at the same time teaching them a life lesson as well. The ferocity of those encounters was too intense for something greater to be not happening.

Your ego betrays you whether you believe it or not.

 Ego, what does the bride of Christ have to say about it? The power of your ego.  Here we have an Eseanne talking about ego.
Mary Magdalen said to Yeshua: “Tell us what your disciples are like and how they should be in the world when you are gone.”
Yeshua replied: “Their life is like a FARMER [one with a spiritual path] who discovers STRANGERS [temptations] traveling through,
and they camp in the FIELD ‘of his heart.. where they do not belong’. And when the Farmer of the FIELD [disciple] discovers these temptations, he orders them Out of his heart-space, so the intruders quietly depart, leaving his mind and heart-space unburdened.”
So be as wise in this world as those who are users of the system. If someone knows to expect trouble before it happens,
like expecting a THIEF at a certain place and time,
[like a temptation which regularly arises in one’s life]
then be prepared against the dangerous entry,
block the way and protect your consciousness from painful mistakes.
Be wary of the world system, with its dominating influences and its down-pulling temptations, persons, and attractions.
It will make you its brother and its honored guest.
And then like a THIEF in the night, it will rob you blind
in your unsuspecting darkness. Therefore, prepare yourself daily.
Seek your divine Awareness Early, in your day and in your life that you may always feel the Presence within, while you work and while you play. When you go in and go out in all your activities, maintain this watchfulness on the Inner Presence, and it will lead you and live through you as you, and you shall feel insight and power that is humbling.
Ever before you sleep, graciously and with gratitude Surrender the operation of your consciousness [temple-path] to your all-knowing Self, that Original Soul Spirit Expression whose divine right is to live this life, that you thought belonged to your ego-habits and daily patterns.
It is up to you to surrender the past of the ego personality.
It is up to you to willingly release your consciousness back to your I AM, before you sleep at night, with consent and harmony.
Let it be like keeping an appointment with a lover, that is honored 

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