The Nanny’s Story

November 1, 2020

Let me start by saying “thank you” for your interest in the articles that are so important to the man that I think the world of.  He is incredibly passionate about the subject matter and I love watching him as he creates his articles about various topics surrounding the Holy Grail.  I myself am rather new to the philosophy of the Grail and I am constantly asking him questions about it.  I trust him with my life and my soul and asked him to be my spiritual advisor.  My story is not one for the faint of heart and I will not go into too many personal details, but just take my word for it that I desperately needed some kind of guidance.  I decided to contribute this as my own way of saying “thank you” to Chris in a public forum and let the readers know how his research has helped me.

For the purpose of privacy, I will refer to myself as the Nanny.  Yes, I really was the editor’s nanny to his daughter several years ago.  However, our history does not begin there.  I met Chris in high school and it was love at first sight.  He was a few years older than I was and I thought he was the coolest guy around.  He had attitude, confidence and looked incredible in his leather jacket.  He was everything I wasn’t.  At least, so it seemed.  I first approached him by the locker area and started to chat him up.  Telling him that I had noticed him in class (we were in homeroom together) and found him very interesting.  He stood with his back leaned up against the locker looking straight ahead.  I stood to his side and thought that his not looking at me was part of the attitude and I was swept away.  After our very one-sided conversation since I was the only one doing the talking, we went our separate ways for the day.

The next day an incident occurred that took me completely by surprise, but I didn’t mind in the least.  It was around many people, but only I was aware of the action.  I was flattered and told an individual whom I thought was my best friend and she immediately told me to report the occurrence to the school office.  I reluctantly did so and instantly regretted it.  But I made the mistake of trusting this person who would sadly be a huge part of my life. (Chris calls her the snake)  My making a complaint to the office caused a rift between Chris and I as I had clearly gave the impression that I was leading him on and betrayed his trust.

A couple of months later I was given the unexpected opportunity to apologize to Chris, which I would later find out that it was his first experience of someone showing him genuine remorse and kindness at the same time.  After this moment, we were able to get closer in friendship, but sadly from an almost non-existent verbal distance.  In other words, we kept our conversations to a simple and severely non-person level.  Myself more so than he.

I am not going to continue with our complete history because I would be here for ages and I am sure that you would soon be fed up with reading about it.  But both Chris and I agree that it would make for one hell of a good book.  This is about my arrival to the philosophy of the Holy Grail, and how it serves me, as I learn to serve it.

I grew up attending a Baptist church every Sunday with my family.  I found the stories that I would hear during Sunday school entertaining, but would have questions that seemed beyond an average kid’s thoughts.  Nothing too intelligent, but basic questions like “Why did the water part when Moses commanded it?”  “How could a big guy like Goliath be taken down by a stone thrown by someone so mpuch smaller than him?”  “Why didn’t the animals attack one another in the Ark?”  I chose to keep my questions to myself simply to not seem stupid in my own opinion or that of my teacher(s).

As I got older, the lessons became more complex and I used to get a kick out of asking questions that I knew would stump the teacher to no end and I would watch them squirm uncomfortably as they tried to give me an answer.  Most of the responses I would get back I could see right through them as I knew that the teacher would say anything to try and move on with the lessons.  After a while, this led me to believe that I was supposed to take these responses and except them as they were told to me.  Uh, no.  I am not a genius by any means, but I am not an idiot either.  I considered myself well versed in the Bible and even won a copy for my knowledge in my youth that I still refer to now and look at the dedication to me from the church elder with great pride.  Not because I was acknowledged, but because I knew there was more to chapter and verse and I had a want to know what that was.

As time went on, I stopped attending Bible lessons prior to the Sunday service.  I still went for Sunday worship with the majority of the congregates that showed up at that time as well.  The service always started the same.  The same deacon would welcome everyone and announce the opening hymn.  He would then pray and follow that with a few words of scripture.  After that would be another hymn, announcements and taking of the offering.  Another prayer to bless the gifts presented to the church to be used for the work it was given and then one more hymn before the sermon.  I sat through this same service for 6 years of Sundays. I was still considerable younger than most of the attendees and naturally would get bored and fidget.  This sometimes actually got me into trouble, as the Pastor would call me out on it right in front of everyone, to my mother’s horror. 

Okay, so I wasn’t exactly perfect.  But no one else is, right?  Ha! Guess again.  I quickly learned and witnessed people with whom I thought were truly God fearing individuals and lived out their daily lives to be as sinless as possible.  Boy, I couldn’t have been further from the truth.  The gossiping, the adultery, the judgment, and downright hypocrisy were enough for me to want to sever ties to any form of organized religion.  I made a decision to stop attending as a teenager.  Not because it wasn’t considered cool by my friends, or because I preferred to sleep in on Sunday mornings, but because of the way everyone showed their true colours.  What, they thought that they could do what they wanted Monday – Saturday and the slate would be wiped clean on Sunday for sitting in a building for an hour and a half?  Nope, not as I saw it.  Again, I never professed to be perfect.

Fast forward to several decades later.  A lot has changed for me in 30+ years.  I had some really bad events occur that no one should ever experience and I had some good ones too.  The main one being the birth of my child.  I had found myself in a marriage of, for lack of a better word, in name. I went through the motions of life.  Work, spouse, parent, as most adults do.  To most, it would appear as though I had it all. Amazing how the view changes behind closed doors. I was miserable in my own existence, but kept it very quiet to myself. I should have been grateful, as many people didn’t have what I had. I was far from happy. I had the attitude that I had the life that I deserved based on the horrific events from the past. Not that I was to blame for them.  I would later learn this.

I soon found myself waking up to what was my 47th birthday.  As I lay in bed the first thought in my head was “From now on I’m choosing to be happy”.  No idea where that came from, but it was screaming at me in my head.  That afternoon I was notified on my phone that a Facebook friend of mine was now on Instagram.  I was stunned to see who the friend was.  It was Chris.  Of all the days for him to join Instagram. The same day I decide to change my life. I followed his account and commented on his first and only post.  I hadn’t been on Facebook for months because I didn’t like the way others could see what you liked and said about other posts.  My comment was harmless and my weird way of being funny.  Nothing more. He read way too deeply into it.  What did my comment mean?  Was I suddenly into Star Wars? This was typical Chris. He always did look for definitive explanations in everything.

Chris and I started casually phoning each other every few days or so. With each conversation, the words became easier and more honest to say to one another. This was the first time we had experienced this during all the years in knowing each other. It also became very natural to open up. We had decided to see each other as some things could only be said in person. A date, time and place had been arranged. Leading up to the reunion, we both knew what was going to be said in person, but kept it quiet so as not to take away from the moment of revelation.

Okay, so we are at the meeting place. I was shocked by his appearance as he was at mine.  We were both much older, but there was a sad, weary look about us both. Both of us had made the special statement. Yes, relief was evident. It was a happy moment, but the weariness was still heavy. Until Chris started to talk about the Holy Grail. It was incredible the sudden change in him.

 His face lit up like a thousand suns. His posture greatly improved and his voice had a happiness I had never heard before.

The awe inspiring power of recovery

Now imagine me sitting there and listening to all this. I was hearing about aliens and another planet that I had never heard of, never mind other words I didn’t know existed. I started to wonder what cult my friend had been mixed up in or maybe it was the water out in the country that was being consumed. Would I encounter more individuals who believed all this too? Chris described the look on my face as confusion and I was looking at him as if he had three heads.

In future conversations Chris would continue to tell me about the Grail. I was starting to become intrigued to feel comfortable to ask questions. On the most part, he had answers and explanations for me that I understood and started to make sense. I compared it to what I had been taught in the past and realized that the Grail made more sense and I could get behind it. At this point, I’m still learning and asking questions.

Finding space for me, my recovery. Learning to understand the power of the Holy Grail.

Not as often as Chris would prefer, but I will in my own time, as I have to explain to him every other day.

Thank you for reading a bit about someone who has been introduced to this incredible journey. I will be back to give an update on my journey on occasion. Chris would also love to hear from you. Leave your thoughts and input at discusskristuzac@gmail.com

The Nanny

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