Pitfalls

August 16, 2021

With 80 articles written, most of them dealing with information about The Holy Grail, and a few about the conditions that led to my grail quest, the one subject that I have not touched on is, the pitfalls of a spiritual awakening.

How can we be so wounded and not know it?

When I began this quest back in the late 1990s, I was a wreck of epic proportions. I knew that I had to find a way to change, what that entailed, or how to go about it, I could not have known. Part of the recovery process involved finding A.A. (Alcoholic Anonymous), though I was not an addict, I had been trained since birth to think and act like an addict. While in those rooms, I learned exactly how and why my thinking differed from a “normal person’s.” What occurred too, was that I was able to better understand what I needed in terms of my spiritual life.

If you are an alcoholic, these 12 steps may seem daunting, they are really not, and when taken one at a time, can change your life. There is hope.

As I examined my spirituality, I discovered that I was indeed an empty space. The belief system that I had tried so desperately to attach myself to in my mid-teens, was entirely incapable of filling the void that existed in my soul. In too many ways, the damage done to me by my mother completely incapacitated me.

My mother was absolutely ruthless in how she had taught me to suppress any and all of my emotions. This was so she did not have to acknowledge me as a person.

What my soul needed, was to find a place where there was infinite love, beauty, and, purpose. Unfortunately, that sounds a bit like the biblical heaven, a concept that I rejected entirely. So where did this leave me? For quite some time, I thought that I was completely fucked. I could not and did not believe in god, and because I did not, that meant that I was going to hell and I would spend eternity splashing around in a lake of fire or some such.

The problem with that was, the concept of hell to me was overblown. I mean the fire, demons, betrayal, mean evil things that fly, and then there is the guy in charge who has a tail and horns. Really? Think about it though, if god was all that powerful, why had he not put this evil ass down? And, why does he need all the geo-political crap to happen to have the final round at Mt Megiddo in Israel?

Sorry, but a lot of people, including my father, have spent too much time on trying to make current events match up with an almost imaginary time line found in the Book of Revelation. The time line exists, but the only people that it mattered to was, Jesus and his rebellious Essenes. The battle at Mt Megiddo was supposed to have been between a united Israel and the Roman Empire. This final great battle is not the Russians against Americans or Israel vs the world nor even god against the purple polka dot monster.

As I wandered somewhat aimlessly through the following months with my head full of the above, it seemed that there was no other option except to try to realign my belief system with the accepted Christian tradition. Not out of fear of going to hell, I figured that I would take my chances with that; I mean with all of Jesus’s parables, their meanings could be twisted just enough to let me squeak through the pearly gates. The problem here was that I was neither an atheist, or an agnostic, nor a Christian believer.

While in those A.A. rooms, I had learned the importance of having a higher power. Not because they proscribe to one, (they do not) but because it became obvious to me that, without some kind of spiritual connection, my soul would continue to feel glacially cold and empty. But still the questions remained, where and what was the connection?

The connection of course was The Holy Grail. When I first discovered that Jesus Christ was a mortal man, who had children, and had been married, this was mind blowing. And it stopped me in my tracks for months. Nowhere in the New Testament is there even a hint of this. This then for me, was the hardest hurdle for me to get over, could I accept that Jesus was an average mortal man, and not a deity? This went against everything that I had been taught or tried to believe.

That said, accepting the above led to finding answers that were real. Much of it at first seemed intellectual, and I was not sure how it affected me spiritually. It was not easy to discuss with others, they were too afraid of “evil influences” leading them astray. This is funny because, there is nothing about the Holy Grail that is evil. The only thing that could be considered “evil”, is that we learn about the occult and the true meanings behind the symbolism, which has been twisted by the church to look evil as they worked incredibly hard to suppress Jesus’s Grail bloodline heritage and, supplement it with the lie of the Pauline church.

So again,  how does this intellectual information better me spiritually? The answer was something that my former, now late,  life partner could not understand.  It was something that we would argue about nastily, and she would say that it was impossible for it to help my growth.  Now when we met, this image exemplifies where I was physically, emotionally, mentally, and, spiritually.

This was what the culmination of 16 years of child abuse plus 60+ months of severe bullying at school, as well as 10 years of association with my ex-wife of whom I refer to as cow did to me.

What she failed to realize was that it takes time for anyone to heal.  I was in exceptionally poor shape, and it took a long time for the serenity of the Grail to raise my inner vibrational frequencies.  After 20 years of study,  I do not claim to be a master of anything, there is still a lifetime of study in front of me, but the thing that I know for sure is,  she needed to work far harder on her inner self than she ever did; as opposed to trying to criticize and control my spiritual journey. 

This article is about the pitfalls of a spiritual awakening,  and some of the things that could/can and will be part of it. There is no “right” path,  the information that I present here is meant to open doors,  answer questions that may lead to revelations about things that you need to know about for your own journey.  No one’s journey is the same,  and we have the multiverse to thank for that. 

When I first began this journey,  and was introduced to the idea of the silver cord,  and how it descended from what I termed “heaven”, I could not begin to comprehend how it was that the things did not get impossibly tangled up in a gargantuan knot. The answer was a long time coming and was,  insanely complicated and yet,  oh so simple.  We are beings of light and energy,  and each of us vibrates on our own frequencies, and it is the differing frequencies that allow these cords of energy that are connected to the kundalini, to pass harmlessly through those who are around us.

String Theory and the multiverse that is hard science.  You may not think that science and spirituality would have a whole lot to do with each other,  but believe it or not,  these three things may be the answer to each other.  To over simplify,  string theory posits that, anything, anytime, anywhere can, does, and will happen.  The multiverse suggests that there is more than one universe.  Spirituality says that we are beings of light and energy and that we are immortal and we will live in limitless dimensions and planes of existence.  (I hate the word AND). What if these differing planes of existence are other universes where physics and evolution work just a little differently? What if the multiverse where science believes that each dimension gets exponentially smaller, is where we live now? Not one life here on earth is the same as another,  which essentially allows string theory to be fact. Science and spirituality are two peas in the same pod,  we just have to learn how they communicate. 

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