September 5, 2021
The last 3 ½ years have been a fascinating experience. There have been a handful of revelations that I had never really thought I would understand. One was coming to understand the number 26; it was a number that kept popping up in high school. And yes, you would be right in assuming that it was wrapped firmly around the Nanny. As a 16 year old kid there was absolutely no way of knowing why or how the number would affect us, but still it was there on the wall clock, 2:26, the date in her note book 2/26/84. Then there was a long period of separation that never should have been, but was 26 years in length until we were reunited. (There was an intermediate period where the universe asked us a question of which we both got very wrong). The universe was telling us that yes you are destined to be together but first, there are lessons to be learned; awful tough lessons. Prior to our reunification in 2018, beginning in 2015, again the number 26 would pop up in unexpected places, I would find an old receipt for $26.26, and increasingly often I would look at a clock and it would read whatever hour and twenty-six minutes.
In truth, the number scared me; I could not envision the obvious idea that the number indicated how much time that I would continue to spend with the narcissistic leprechaun of who was killing me with her energy vampire alcoholic ways. I could not envision that it had anything to do with the Nanny, 20 years previous, she had married this other jackass and the way we had parted had been less than ideal. Sure, we were “friends” on Facebook, but there was zero inter-action between us; so it had seemed pointless to even consider her. The universe was working to wake me up and give me hope when I was in a situation where I had very little. Understanding the number 26 is vital for my future; the Nanny is and always has been my soul mate extending back billions of years.
An Empath is born from trauma; it does not matter from what type, physical, emotional, sexual, and even spiritual. My gift was given me from emotional and physical abuse. As I have out-lined in other articles, I was the victim of incredibly severe bullying in and outside of the home, and the abuse was severe. As both my brother and I approached the 180 cm 6 ‘mark in height and 85+ kgs 185 lbs. in weight, both mom and dad’s ability to throw us around at will was limited, as an alternative tactic they would ambush us, always when we were most vulnerable to it. As a defense mechanism, I chose to take my chances on the streets of Toronto finding a measure of safety there, because there was none to be had at home.
The problem with violence is that it learns, the four of us in that “family” learned new and better ways to hurt and severely wound each other. As in any conflict, the most desired weapon is one that will preemptively stop/end the conflict. Many times while being ambushed, I had wished that there had been a way of being warned ahead of time as to how bad it was going to be. Given that knowledge perhaps there might be a way of disarming or limiting the damage done.
The manifestation of this defense mechanism was unexpected and essentially useless to me. It did not begin to show itself to me until after a particularly violent episode between my father and myself, which involved being thrown against a wall while I was sound asleep and leaving a Chris sized dent in the wall. The problem was of course that I had no idea that such a thing was possible so there had been no way to prepare or train for such an eventuality as becoming an empath. My only exposure to the word Empath during the next 30 years was the television series, “Star Trek The Next Generation” and the character, Deanna Troi, who was an “empath”. Hers was a character that I thought hokey, and yet, I easily appreciated how and why she was beneficial to the captain of the Enterprise.
Her character had been trained since birth to focus on and interpret emotions that people broadcast unconsciously. She made it look easy and natural, and was misleading in that people broadcast singular emotions; whereas truthfully, you all do not. You are all a messy hodge-podge of everything all at once all the time; it has been chaotic and overwhelming absorbing all your stuff. But the worst part of all of it was having no understanding of why I did.
It is thanks to the Nanny and her incredible insights into my character that I learned that I was an empath. She found groups on Facebook for empaths and, there I was able to learn that most of us share the same experience in that we did not know that we were empaths. The pandemic has actually been something of a boon to me, the first few months of it were incredibly tough, people’s fear and anxiety were through the roof, and I would literally come home a quivering mess having had to deal with it all week as an essential worker. However as time passed, it became easier to focus on who was feeling what, where the strongest signal was coming from, and very importantly; how to at least for a time, block the signal, after deciding what I think of the broadcaster; to in a way, weaponize my gift using both my abilities as an empath, and my ability to see auras.
There are different types of empaths, and their differing types of strengths are impressive. To be completely honest and non-insulting, I honestly feel sorry for those who are not an empath.